Testimony
by yami no dawn
Summary: Complete. Lloyd and Colette's wedding day provides many opportunities for others to get together.. Implied Colloyd, YuanKratos. Rated to be safe and for minor cursing. Probably spoilers if you haven't finished game. Oh, and Yaoi
1. Yuan's Testimony

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A/N: All right. This is the first time I've posted a fic.. I'm kinda apprehensive about everyone's reaction to this.. so please be kind.. Even if you feel the need to tell me you hate it (although if you do, what really is the point in taking the time to tell me) could you please do it in a not too evil way? Anyway, for some strange reason, I quite like this pairing. Not really sure why. I have a strange mind I guess. By the way, this is not intended to be a one - shot..Oh and I do like feedback and suggestions are good too... ()

YuanxKratos so slash, shonen ai, yaoi whatever. What is the difference anyway? IS there one?

Yes.. I also think Yuan is kinda OOC but.. hey..

Oh yeah, and I don't own tales of symphonia or any related characters or places. The credit for that goes to the people at NAMCO.

Yuan's Testimony

Generally, I like to think that I am a patient person. After all, I have waited for almost four thousand years for Mithos Yggdrassil(sp?) to be vanquished. Granted, I _could _have tried to defeat him myself, before all of this happened, but I'm afraid I must admit that I was at first taken in by his methods. Plus, I am not sure that I could have defeated him, even if Kratos had chosen to aid me. I was scared of him, even when he was nothing more than an idealistic kid with the means to make all his wishes happen. In many ways, Kratos' son was like Mithos. The same idealistic views and that single-minded purpose for example. But in many other ways, he was also different. I was uncharacteristically indecisive when it came to that boy. Sometimes I truly believed he could do it, and others I believed that I merely needed him to rid the cursed world of its creator for eternity. Even now I am unsure. He is as strong as his father is and as softhearted as his mother. I can see Kratos in him, but then I cannot. But I am getting off the point.

Lloyd and that fool of an ex-chosen he is engaged to. It makes me laugh. Lloyd has never liked me, never even thanking me for saving his life, and yet I have received an invitation to their wedding. I must confess, I almost died with laughter at this obvious joke. That is, until I met that foolish Mizuhoan chief - Sheena somebodyorother. I spoke with her for a mere moment and during that moment, she managed to confuse me until I felt completely out of my mind. I think that Wilder kid must be rubbing off on her because she kept going on about Kratos having a lover and was convinced I knew something about it. I can honestly say I have not laughed so much in years! This was perhaps the reason for my invitation. Perhaps Lloyd thought he would have more luck getting this information out of me than his father.

Sorry Lloyd! I'm even more clueless than you are.

I can't believe that I am honestly thinking about going. Why would I knowingly submit myself to the torture of their whole crew, and probably more just like them! The torture of Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving (or does he call himself Aurion now? I really don't know. I haven't seen him since Kratos left), Genis and Raine Sage, Regal Bryant, Presea Combatir, Zelos Wilder and Sheena Fuji... Fujibashsi... AH! I give up! That _girl_ from Mizuho, is just unbearable. Why on Symphonia would I want to go?

Well, to tell you the truth, there are a variety of reasons. To begin with, we have those half-elf siblings. I _know_ Raine knew Lloyd's mother, but I don't know why she hasn't told him. And the kid? His knowledge seems to know no limits... And I want to know if he got together with Presea yet. She was a sweet girl. Another innocent victim. Then we have Colette. She seems to cheer up everyone from however low they are feeling and I want to see how she does it. She holds a power over everyone that has nothing to do with her once being the Chosen of Mana. And Lloyd. Yes, Lloyd. I want to see if he has grown stronger as Kratos instructed him. I want to see how he has matured. And finally, my main reason: Kratos is going to be there. I have not seen him since he left three years ago. I know he often comes down to visit Lloyd and his friends, but I always keep myself well away. Because if I saw him, I am unsure as to whether I would be able to let him leave. In short, my reasons for going are curiosity.. And Kratos.

I have weighed this up in my mind so many times, and yet, three hours before the ceremony, I am still undecided. My reasons for not going are: laziness, I would have to get dressed up (I shudder at the thought) and what if I'm not strong enough? What if I speak to Kratos and can't let him leave? That would be selfish of me. But, for some reason, Lloyd wants me to be there. And, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I have become quite fond of Lloyd. Not to go would be equally selfish, perhaps more so.

But... It reminds me of Martel. We were going to marry.. The engagement ring lies on a chain around my neck. It would be painful to watch, but in a way I suppose it would show me that I truly have moved on. And that itself is thanks to Kratos. He picked me up from my ruined heap on the ground and taught me that Martel wouldn't have wanted me to be miserable about her. He told me that if I didn't pull myself together, there would be no one to aid him in reigning in Mithos's actions. He became my best friend. He was there for me when no one else was. Soon after that, I formed the Renegades in secret. Not even he knew. It was better that way. I met Botta and he became my right-hand man. My whole life was consumed with preventing the resurrection of Martel. It wouldn't have been what she had wanted.

I have made my decision. I have to go. I need to know that I can deal with this, that all of Kratos' efforts had not been in vain. So I root through my dresser to find suitable clothing, pick up my hairbrush and my best clasp and shuffle off to take a shower.

My hair is a torment sometimes. I despise the way it sometimes goes all fluffy and static when I comb it and I have to keep it down with magic. I despise the way it never looks how I want it to, how sections always manage to escape the hold of my clasp. I despise the way its colour always seems to make every outfit I wear look frivolous, I cannot try to look formal with aqua hair! Oh, why does it bother me? I have tried almost every style I know, and nothing worked! I either look like a girl or a clown! I sigh. I'm getting nowhere. Thank Martel I left plenty of time to deal with my hair. Oh, it is ironic that I should thank Martel. Just like those ignorant mortals. But why should I not? After all, it is Martel who gave Colette's body back to her so that they could finish their quest, and it is partly Martel that watches over the great tree. Honestly, I have been away from civilisation for so long that I don't even know what Lloyd called the tree.

Anyway, back to my hair. I brush it thoughtfully, wondering which is better to look like at a wedding: a girl, or a clown. I finally decide to braid it. But when I'm done with that, I decide that it looks weird. I try putting the top in a French plait and leaving the rest loose. But then, I look like a girl again. This has to be the most indecisive day of my life! I pick out the plait and brush through my hair once more. Oh what to do. I'm going to be late if my hair keeps this up! The brush hits a knot. It's the final straw. I throw the offending object out the window. But now I'm even more stuck! I can't do anything with it now! I sigh once more, resigning myself to leaving it loose.

I stare solemnly at my reflection in the mirror and realise that I have not planned for anything after this day. Not even that tomorrow I will go out hunting or do the laundry. Not even that tonight I will go to bed early despite not needing much sleep. I frown. It is odd, but I have had enough debating with myself upon the nature of my emotions and the psychology of my mind. I get up, grab my cloak and prepare to leave. I will take tomorrow as it comes.


	2. A Bad Day

A Bad Morning

I knew it was going to be a bad day from the moment I woke up. I lost my best hairbrush (darn); my hair looked a mess, flying around my face in that way as I flew, and on top of that, as I got close to Iselia I stalled the damn Rheiard. That's right, the resident genius of the Cruxis _and_ the Renegades stalled his own creation. I was lucky I had my wings, if I had not, I would surely be dead or seriously injured. Although, me being me it took a while for instinct to take over and release the wings. I've never been quick on reactions. Anyway, I checked my fall and landed safely just outside the gates of Iselia.

I brushed myself off and prepared to enter the village. Which was when a giant bug attacked me. It latched itself onto my boot and began to gnaw at it like a dog with a bone. Now, I've never been particularly squeamish, but one thing I really hate is bugs. With a disgusted shudder, I tried to flick it off. All I succeeded in doing was shift it up my leg so that it could bite through my trousers. Needless to say, I was not amused. I yelped in a very undignified way and started hopping around. As a last resort, I began to gather mana.

"Lightning!"

A bolt of lightning shot down and zapped my leg. So once again I was reduced to screaming like a girl and all my spell succeeded in doing was getting the bug back onto the boot and causing myself pain. As if to add to my annoyance, I tripped. And fell with a splintering crash through a wooden wall in a very Colette-like way. I continued to flick my leg regardless, my hair flying in all directions. On the bright side, I finally flung the bug outside, away from me. Normally this would be satisfactory, but I was enraged. That damn bug had just been the last straw! I was in an abysmal mood and that gross ugly bug was an excellent target.

I sought out its mana and focussed on it, taking only a few seconds to draw out the necessary power.

"FLAME LANCE!" I screamed hysterically, burning the cursed thing to a crisp. My immediate strength taken from me, I collapsed to the ground, head in my hands.

"Oh, I'm having such a bad morning," I moaned, paying no attention to my surroundings.

"Always needing to make a dramatic entrance, hm Yuan?" The voice, familiar and deep voice came from my left. I lifted my head and turned to look. Just as I suspected.

"Kratos."

"Hello Yuan."

He offered me a hand and pulled me up. I have no idea how he does it. I must be almost the same weight as him and he pulls me up as if I weigh nothing more than a feather! But, back to the point.

"Where the heck am I?" I ask, disoriented. I had no idea what I expected, but whatever it was, it did not include Kratos standing there, grinning like an idiot at my misfortune. I'm not complaining.

"Lloyd's home. I trust you intend to repair that hole?" He tried to force his stoic mask back into place, but I still noted the amusement in his voice.

Speechless, I took in my surroundings. Everyone in the room stared straight back at me. Genis was in the middle of trying to force his tie looser, Raine slapping his hands away. Lloyd paused with a glob of thick gooey hair gel in his palm, Regal stared incredulously from his seat across the room, one eyebrow raised. It appeared that I had woken him. And that perverted ex-chosen was just stood there, a lopsided smile that was almost a smirk on his face. I felt like a goldfish in a bowl. And supposed that I looked like one too, sat there gaping.

I coughed to break the silence. "Um.. I will have some of my men tidy this mess Lloyd." Then, suddenly I was struck with a thought. "Hey, Kratos. Did you fly here?"

He nodded once. Typical Kratos. Not one to waste words. Unlike me, obviously.

"Did you fly over the island with the hot springs?"

Another nod. Honestly, this is quiet, even for him.

"Did you happen to spot a hairbrush?" And with that sentence, I had all the occupants of the room staring incredulously at me for the second time in five minutes. The corner of Kratos' lips quirked. He reached into his pack and held out the offending object to me. Ah! My hairbrush. I took it and thanked him, trying to think up a logical sounding explanation.

"I- uh.. That is I-"

He interrupted me. "Got annoyed with your hair?" He folded his arms in that typical way of his, smirking.

I smiled. "You really have known me too long."

It seemed that Raine had had quite enough of the weirdness I call life, and decided to leave. Via the me-shaped hole in the wall. I wondered for a moment if my wings would have made a shape or just passed through.

Lloyd turned around and started trying to do his hair. I seriously thought he'd been taking tips from Kratos on that point when I saw the ridiculous amounts of gel he tried to force into his hair. I asked him if he had and he just looked blankly at me. I decided to give him an example.

"Look how much gel your father puts in," I told him. I ran my hand over the top of Kratos' potentially lethal spikes, annoyed at how far I had to reach up. As expected, I obtained several small cuts on my palm and a raised eyebrow from Lloyd. "You could kill someone with these."

"I could not!" Kratos exclaimed. He had always been touchy about his hair. Lloyd flinched. I however, was immune. And did my usual. Screamed back.

"Could too!"

I received a confused look from Lloyd and a look that meant my death was I to continue this conversation from Kratos. So I shut up. Naturally.

Lloyd turned back to the mirror. I think he still hates me for trying to kill him. He started cursing under his breath. He was insanely nervous, I could tell.

I sighed and sank down into a chair. With nothing else to do, I began to brush my hair again. It was pretty knotty from the fall and the fight with that stupid bug. The room was silent except for Lloyd's quiet cursing and Zelos humming under his breath.

Seeming to get tired of that, the ex-chosen grabbed a brush and began to do his own hair. He turned to me after barely a moment, took a breath, then turned to Kratos. A nutter. I swear he is.

"How long have we got?" He questioned Kratos.

The angel was touching his hair. Probably still sore at me for that hair comment.

"Approximately 23 minutes," he replied quietly.

"Mmmkay. Say Yuan, we weren't expecting you to show."

The idiot chosen persisted in breaking the peace and quiet. I felt my annoyance begin to rise again.

"Neither was I," I told him stonily.

He was not deterred. "Kratos, how come you weren't surprised to see Yuan here?"

Unsurprisingly, at least to me, the idiot received no answer. He sighed in annoyance and flung himself into a chair in a ridiculously girlish way. And then he crossed his legs and started to apply lip-gloss. This reached new heights in my scale of weirdness. But then, it was Zelos.. Should I have been surprised?

I resumed the rhythmic brushing of my hair, revelling in the silence that reigned until Lloyd's _other_ father entered the room. He looked briefly at the hole, then scanned the room. I assumed he was surprised to see me since his eyes lingered in my direction for a moment longer than everyone else's. He greeted everyone, and everyone but Kratos replied. I was surprised by his rudeness. It truly was unlike him. Maybe he is remembering his own wedding, just as I remember Martel. Still, this could not be stood for.

After a moment's consideration, I threw my hairbrush at his head. It hit those dangerous spikes of his and bounced back before falling heavily to the ground. I was surprised that the spikes didn't break off, and I told him so. He merely glared at me and turned away to greet Dirk. I wondered what I had done this time.

I picked up my precious brush. Damn him. He was such an awkward person to understand, and despite knowing him for four thousand years, I still had no idea what was going on in his mind. I watched him closely, hoping to gain some clue. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. I studied his face even more closely. As usual, his hair hid most of his expression but I knew that his eyes were only lightly closed. His mouth was curved into a small smile and, the strangest thing at all, a strange blush hovered over his cheeks.

A quick glance around the room told me that I was not the only one watching the seraphim closely. On the other side of the room, Zelos and Genis were having a whispered conversation whilst watching him. I ran my hand through my hair. It's a bad habit I have.

"And none of that means that he has, as you so charmingly put, 'got a hunny!'" Genis exclaimed. I turned to look at him, wondering what the hell he was going on about. I wasn't the only one. For once, I was not the object of everyone's attention. And everyone but me seemed to know what a 'hunny' was. I asked.

"What's a hunny? And who's got one?"

"Zelos has many," Regal put in.

"But we were talking about Kratos, not me!" Zelos exclaimed.

Oops, I thought. Looks like that cat's out of the back hm Zelos? What a loudmouth. It seems Genis thought the same way as me, for the next thing I heard was a definite thud and an indignant 'OUCH' from that redheaded idiot. Clearly he takes after Raine.

Kratos was glaring daggers at the pair of them. Lloyd, thankfully oblivious as ever, put a stop to the outburst before it even began. "Hey, Dad..s," he began. "I forgot. Colette paired everyone up, so no one would be left out or something like that. Anyway," he looked at Dirk. "You're with Chocolat." Then it was Kratos' turn. I had to admit, I was curious about who they had put him with. Hey, that was weird, I hadn't known about this 'paring up' thing. Perhaps I would be left in peace.

"We ah- ran out of girls," Lloyd continues, blinking apologetically. "So.. uh.. We put you with Yuan." He ducked, as if waiting for a blow.

This was an interesting turn of events. One that I wasn't sure was good or bad. On one hand, I get to spend more time with Kratos.. On the other hand.. Wait.. He said something.

"Yuan is quite girly enough. In fact I doubt you would have found anyone more so."

It took a moment for the insult to sink in. Then I leapt at him, screaming my own insults. I assumed this was payback for the hair comment.

"I RESENT THAT!" I screamed at him. Frustratingly he managed to hold me at arm's length. Stupid strength of his! I can't hit him, so I settle for screaming insults from arm's length.

"YOU MEAN OVERGROWN PURPLE GRASSHOPPER! GAH... IF ONLY I HAD MY WEAPON!"

"Yuan, your hair is a mess," he returned calmly.

Now, I don't mean to sound like a sissy, but I am also very touchy about my hair. And naturally I believed him. I squeaked and reached for my hairbrush once more.

"Shall we leave?" Regal questioned in his low, steady voice.

Lloyd looked terrified. Whether it was of my outburst or the impending ceremony, I had no clue. He stuttered his assent.

"How early will we be?" He asked quietly.

"Don't worry Lloyd. We will not be waiting long." Kratos reassured him.

I leaned across to whisper to Lloyd. "When he got married to your mother, she arrived before he did. It was funny to say the least. You should have seen his reaction! I had trouble staying in my tree!" I confided

"Why were you in a tree?"

Lloyd, you are so dense, I thought to myself. "I would have blown their cover," I told him in what I was sure was a patient voice.

"Aight." The voice startled me from my memories and I turned to see Dirk tightening his belt.

Wonderful.

"Les' git this show on the road, eh?"

Oh his accent annoyed me so much at that point. Outside, it was pretty warm. I didn't notice though. I was busy listening in to a conversation between Lloyd and Kratos. Half elf ears are better than humans and being an angel heightened my senses further so I was able to hear them from the back of the group. Lloyd was asking if Kratos had really loved his mother. Kratos replied in the affirmative.

"Do you love someone now?" Lloyd asked.

Kratos tried to skirt the issue, which Lloyd took as a 'yes'. Hm. This was interesting. Perhaps Zelos was right with his 'hunny' theory. For some reason, that seemed to bother me.

"Did you love them when you married mom?"

Kratos made no reply. I wasn't surprised. But Lloyd seemed to take this as a 'yes' too. He was pretty perceptive sometimes. I had used the same tactic before. Generally, if you got your head bitten off for assuming, you were wrong in your assumption. If he continued to avoid the issue, you were right.

"How could you do that to my mom!"

Kratos promised to tell him everything one day. Then we were there. At the Martel temple outside Iselia.

Even after four thousand years, even hearing that name sends the familiar ache through my heart. Martel didn't deserve to die.

We approached the group of people we were to be paired with. It seemed to consist of Sheena, Raine, Presea and Chocolat. I watched as the group paired off and stood in a sort of order that looked pre-arranged.

First Presea and Genis, then Chocolat and Dirk, behind them were Sheena and Zelos, then Raine and Regal. Then it was Kratos and I, and finally Lloyd.

I could have had this with Martel. Tears threatened to fill my eyes and I began to tremble with the effort of holding them back. Kratos quirked his eyebrow at me, and I quickly wrap my arm around his, pretending there is nothing wrong. I began to feel warm and had the irritating sense that I was blushing. I hadn't felt like this since.. Martel. It felt strangely like betrayal.

I vow to strangle Colette later for designing the service like this. Parading us around like.. like.. Well like something that parades around! When we were seated, I remembered that I had forgotten to tie up my hair. Kratos did it for me.

I liked the feel of his hands gently flowing through my hair and lightly tugging as he secured it in the clasp. I felt that confounded blush rise to my face again. It felt almost sinful to enjoy such a thing. But I knew that Martel wouldn't have wanted me to be alone forever.

"Why have you been avoiding me Yuan?" He asked me.

I looked away, unable to handle his intense stare and the strange rush of emotions inside me. "I-I.. Look, here comes Colette!"

He sighed exasperatedly, and I took it to mean 'we're not done with this yet Yuan.'

For the moment, I was fine with that.

I felt an overwhelming sadness as I looked upon Colette advancing slowly upon the altar. Tears came to my eyes, tears that I vowed not to let fall. I leaned against Kratos, hoping that he wouldn't pull away. To his credit, he did nothing more than drape a comforting arm around my shoulders and allow me to cry into his clothes. I had no idea why I cried. It seemed strange to cry over Martel so long after.. But truly it wasn't just Martel. I was scared of what I was feeling, scared because it felt so much like betrayal, and sad because I could have had this with her. But at the same time, I felt kind of happy, because I was letting go. Acknowledging that she meant a lot to me and finally fully moving on. And I was scared because I was sure that now I had Kratos back, I would never let him go.

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A/N: I am one of those people who just continues regardless of reviews, but I do still like them!_

I had a little trouble keeping to the tenses in this chapter so there is probably a lot of mistakes. I have read it through, but if you notice something, please let me know. Also, do I need to put the disclaimer in every chapter?


	3. You just don't get it

A/N: I don't own em, Yuan is still being weird and I am happy because people like my story! This chappie is pretty lame however..

Thanks to

**SassyRecombinantpassions**

**RavenGhost**

**SangoGrl64**

for reviewing. I really appreciate it!

... and this is the update I meant to put in last night.. and earlier. Gah! I hate this warm sticky weather.. anyway..

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**You just don't get it**

That was it. I had finally cracked. I swear, I will never forgive myself for this. I knew full well that Flanoir Potion and I do not get on well, and yet I drank it anyway. Hard to believe I could make so many stupid mistakes in one day isn't it? I don't know what it is about that damn potion, but it goes straight to my head. Any other kind of potion and I'm fine. Its just that particular one! What annoyed me the most was that Kratos knew how badly that stuff affected me and just stood there watching me drink it! He didn't even do anything to stop me when I went crazy and started dancing on the tables!...But we don't need to go into that.

Grr.. I'm so going to get him for this.

That day just had to be the worst day of my life! Or at least the most embarrassing. Let me just list what has gone wrong so far today. First, I disagreed with my hair and threw out the brush, then I stalled my Rheiard (my own damned creation!), then I got attacked by a giant bug, fell through the wall of Lloyd's house (who I still don't see eye to eye with might I add!), recovered my hairbrush but lost a battle of wills with Kratos, burst into tears in the middle of the ceremony (If that doesn't make me look like a sissy what would?), and got drunk on Flanoir potion. How fun.

See, everything was going well, until I got bored. Well, actually, I was pretty bored all day, but by the time it got dark, my feet hurt, my head hurt from all the noise everyone was making and I just wanted to go home. Unfortunately, I couldn't. Since I had accidentally glued myself to a table. I had to wait for Regal to notice, and he took his time with it, and set me free of the table. The idiot just smashed the table into little pieces so that I was walking around with large splinters of wood stuck to my clothing. So I just grabbed the drink nearest to me and slouched off into the background with it.

Kratos being Kratos, he was loitering in a menacing way near the exit..With Noishe. I swear, that damn protozoan has a thing for me. A thing about trying to bite me and swallow me whole that is. I eyed the label on the bottle _Flanoir Potion, _but drank some of it anyway. Flanoir potion is nice, especially if you're really cold, but I think whomever decided on the refreshments made the wrong choice by putting it in there. And, by the end of the night, I expect they did too.

However, I did manage to scare Noishe away by flapping my wings and roaring crazily. I felt so happy when he whined and dodged off in the opposite direction, that I had to giggle. How undignified right? I just couldn't seem to stand still. I was hopping around just like when I'd had that damn bug stuck to me, only this time it seemed ridiculously funny (most things did). My favourite point of the night was when I stood up on a table in the middle of the party and announced that I was going to make a speech. I got some funny looks from the people that knew me. Lloyd just looked as dense and blank as usual and Colette was giggling far too much. But mostly, everyone went quiet.

"This may amaze and shock you all," I began in a slightly slurred voice. "But my name is not Yuan. I am the incarnation of the Great and Evil Lord Yggdrassil!" (I had a lot of trouble with the name I'll have you know!"

It was at this point that Raine, Regal and Kratos started advancing on me, but of course I didn't notice.

"Since you all are pathetic inferior beings and I am great and ultimate, you all must die." At this point I attempted an evil laugh and almost fell off the table. I narrowly avoided Regal tripping me over, but I didn't notice that either. Funny what Flanoir potion can do to one's mind.

"An' I want to tell you all that I'm gonna.." I took a swig from the bottle. "Make an age of lifeless beings and crazily rip the world in two!" For emphasis, I stamped my feet and at a loud squeal, realised I had stood on Raine's hand. Oh well. Served her right for trying to stop me.

"Now die!" I began to gather mana. That is, until a purple figure leapt at me and threw me heavily to the ground. I'm sure he cracked a couple of ribs there, but at least he stopped me from casting 'indignation' on that pathetic lot.

He had me pinned down, which I didn't like much. So, naturally, I tried to get away, which I also seemed to find funny.

"Yuan!" He practically yelled in my ear. "Stop this! You almost killed a lot of people just then."

Tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry Kratos. It was funny!" I burst out laughing in a manically hysteric way.

Kratos sighed exasperatedly. "If I let you up will you behave?"

"I'll be good," I promised him childishly.

He sighed again and let me up. So I ran off giggling. Oh this was a bad night. I will skim over the next part, since I'm sure you don't want to hear about my dancing on tables, singing and having to be stopped from doing a strip tease. Have I mentioned that this was the most embarrassing day of my life? Good. Because it was. No comparison.

Colette came over to talk to me (why?) as I was sitting sulkily on the wall where I'd began the night. She greeted me with a huge grin as if she was actually happy to see me.

I muttered something. I'm not sure what and it's probably something I shouldn't repeat since she looked as if she was about to cry.

"What's wrong with you Yuan?" She asked me, almost in tears. "You're not acting nice at all tonight."

"I'm fine," I grumped. By this point, I had gotten past the 'happy' stage of intoxication and the 'depressed' stage was rapidly advancing on me.

"Did you _like_ Lloyd too?"

I accidentally spat out my mouthful of potion into her face. I tell you, it was so an accident! "No way!"

"It burns!" She started to scream. "My eyes! My eyes!"

"I'll save you Colette!" Yelled Lloyd, running over and giving me a death glare. I merely smirked at him and chose to ignore the fact that Kratos was dragging me away by my hair. I know, painful right? I was rewarded for 'letting my hair down' so to speak, by a smack upside the head and a sound telling off.

"I'm not a little kid," I muttered.

"Perhaps not," he replied "but you are being horrid to everyone here. I think you should go home."

I nodded. I completely agreed. I wanted to go home more than anything since I felt so damn miserable and I just wanted to cry.

"I can't. How'm I supposed to fly like this?" I was a mess. There was no way I would get very far even _walking_. I had trouble standing. As it was, I was clinging on to Kratos' arm for dear life - if I'd let go I would have fallen.

He eyed me critically. I supposed he found it odd. Every time I'd been drunk in the past four thousand years, I had been miserable about Martel, and this time I hadn't said a word about her. Yet. For some reason, whenever I got like that, my memories of her came flooding back. I had come to associate being drunk with Martel. I decided that I had gone out of my mind.

"I'll take you back in a moment. Just sit here would you? I'll be right back." He spoke gently. Perhaps I was reading far too much into this, but his voice seemed... fond almost. Fond + Kratos Weird. Mr. No-Emotions never shows much connection to _anyone._

I obediently sat down. Not that I had much choice since my leaning post had left. What was the point of me coming here? Why did I subject myself to this utter torture! As I said before, my only reasons were pure curiosity and to see Kratos. I'd missed him. But I supposed he would go back. He would leave me like everyone else. Martel, Mithos, Botta.. Everyone I was close to left me.

Tears began to well up in my eyes once more, only this time they escaped the restraining prison of my eyes and trailed their way to freedom down my cheeks. I listened to the mournful drip drip drip, as they fell from my chin to the stone beneath me.

By the time Kratos returned, I was sobbing into my hands. This time, I did not just cry for Martel, but for everyone who's died because of my actions and the actions of my friends.

He forced a smile and gestured that it was time to leave. I tried to stand up on my wobbly legs but failed and fell against him. Out of instinct, I clung on. He sighed and lifted me up in his arms. I figured he was probably disappointed in me. Hell, _I_ was disappointed in me, but I said nothing. I just clung on and hoped I would be able to make up for the hell I'm sure I've put him through someday.

As we rose into the air, I caught sight of the Rheiard I arrived on. It was laying on its side, looking pathetic. I turned my head and his my face in Kratos' chest, away from my day of failure. He grumbled and told me not to move so much. It wasn't like I really cared.

My home was on the hot springs island near the mountains. It was blue and dome shaped, like my precious bases. Which reminded me, I was going to have to get some of my men to clear up that hole I'd made in Lloyd's house. Stupid Lloyd.

Kratos carried me inside (where did he get a key?) and dropped me unceremoniously on the bed. I just curled up as small as I could and ignored him. Not a difficult feat since he left the room. I found it just a little odd how he seemed to know exactly where everything was in my house, but I didn't think about it much. Sleep seemed much friendlier, but I couldn't seemed to keep my eyes closed. When he returned, he placed a cool cloth on my head. Why, I don't know. Did it help? Not really. But it was nice to know he cared.

"I'm sorry Kratos," I mumbled miserably.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and I felt him touch my hair with the tips of his fingers.

"Yuan, what you don't seem to realise it that doing stuff like that hurts other people as well as yourself." He spoke gently, as if I was some sort of china doll that would break if he spoke too harshly or too loud.

I just whimpered pathetically in reply.

"You're going to feel awful tomorrow."

"I know." I reached up and grabbed his wrist. "I don't know why I did it."

"I do," he told me. "Martel. It was perhaps a shock to see what you could have had with her."

I sniffled. He didn't know the half of it. But how could I tell him that the thought of him leaving again left me so distraught?

"Not just Martel," I heard myself admit.

He sighed. "We'll talk tomorrow okay? I'm not done with you yet. Go to sleep."

He started to stand up, but didn't get far since I was holding on to his wrist and was well on the way to the welcoming darkness of sleep.

* * *

A/N:... So lame and pointless.

Since the chibi Yuan that acts as my muse has gone on strike, the next chapter will be from Colette's point of view (random huh?) and should be up soon since its pretty short. Bai!


	4. Untitled

A/N: I do not own it. So do not sue me. I don't own much so it isn't really worth it. Lets see, I have about £3 and a dozen or so scrawled on notepads. Not really worth it.

Any suggestions for a title for this chappie? I don't have a clue.

For Katandshadow. Thank you for releasing me from the terrors of trying to write as Colette!

Untitled until I think up something

The dark wispiness of sleep was slowly banished from my mind as I returned to lucidity. I gradually became away of a lightness and flexibility in my limbs that never occurred when restrained by my usual cloak. This was odd. It was also odd that, while I felt able to move, something was holding me back. And I mean that literally.

I impatiently waited for my sluggish brain to catch up and tell me what the hell was going on. However, it had other ideas and seemed to have gotten lost somewhere on the way back from sleep. How brilliant.

The room was dark, dimly lit by powerful rays of sunlight filtering through my thick curtains. A shadow fell upon the edge of my bed, strangely glinting with gold and sapphire. It looked like... my cloak. But what the hell was it doing there? Synapses fired, giving my aching brain a possible explanation that made me wince. But thankfully, after looking down at myself and finding all my clothes in place, that explanation was quickly eliminated.

But.. there was something else. A band of lilac around my waist, the feel of strong fingers gripping my side.. An arm! What the..? I slowly became aware of a warmth at my back. Dreading what I might see, I twisted sharply and my eyes fell upon mussed auburn hair, a strangely serene expression and a familiar looking suit.

Kratos! Damn. And I thought things couldn't get any worse.

As my brain caught up, I began to panic. Just a little. He couldn't wake up and find me like this! I'd never be able to look him in the eye again! It would be so weird to explain this to him.. and.. and.. Wait. _He_ was holding _me_. I hadn't initiated this. Well, that gave him one less thing to be mad at me about. Hm... What was the other thing?

I turned my hair and a sharp pain shot through my skull. Oh. That. Great. Now my head felt as though it was being pounded with a massive hammer whilst being subjected to Colette screaming. Luckily for me, I had never been able to grasp healing techniques. (No I am not a masochist, I was being sarcastic.)

So I was stuck here with no idea what to do next, a monster headache and seriously in need of preparation before His Highness woke up. Oh, and did I mention I could barely move without risk of waking him?

I tried, to no avail, to shift myself carefully out of his grasp. I was sure I was almost within range of escape when I heard him mumble something that sounded suspiciously like my name and found myself being pulled back against him again. His warmth seemed to be flooding my body, which was not helping in the slightest. Now, I'm not going to deny that I _liked_ it and if I hadn't been so scared of what he would do to me when I woke up, I would have been less that worried about moving.

He made a sort of humming noise as if he was waking up. Worried, I managed to turn so that I was facing him. He was still asleep, but it was an unwise move on my part since now I felt his warmth on my front, his arms around my back secured me even tighter and I felt like doing nothing more than snuggling close and going back to sleep.

Kratos moved slightly and let out a sort of moaning sigh. I felt my face heat up. His pulse was racing, drumming so powerfully I was sure it was going to explode. I briefly wondered what he was dreaming about. Probably being chased by giant killer bunny rabbits or something.

"Nnnnh. Yu...an."

Eep! I felt my cheeks burn even redder and mumbled curses to myself in as many languages as I knew (ancient elven, modern elven, common, angelic and a little Mizuhoan) for feeling like I did what he said that. Now I _really _needed to get out. No longer caring about whether he woke up, I pushed away his arm and scrambled off the bed. In my haste, I slid to the ground with a thud, head pounding.

Kratos stirred. "Don't leave Yu-an.." He mumbled, seemingly only half awake.

"I'll be back in a minute," I promised him before crawling out into the bathroom. I used the sink as a lever to pull myself into a standing position. The room was spinning.

"Oh curses I need painkillers," I muttered, pawing through my bathroom cabinet. All I found was the skin of an apple gel, a half empty Acuity bottle and an unopened Panacea bottle. Useless, totally useless.

I gave up and decided to take a shower instead, hoping that it would clear out some of the remaining cobwebs still inhabiting my head.

It didn't do much, but it helped. My head was still pounding like a second heart beat, but felt a little clearer and I felt worlds better for putting on some clean attire. I shuffled into the kitchen in search of coffee, my energy already expended.

I was sat at the table gingerly sipping at it when Kratos came in, rubbing his eyes and yawning. So cute! At his look of surprise, I mentally backtracked to make sure I hadn't said that aloud.

"Yuan?" He brushed his hair out of his eyes.

I smiled weakly at him and buried my face in my mug.

"Yuan, what's going... on..." He trailed off and I watched as his memory caught up with him and understanding dawned on his still-sleepy features.

I braced myself for the inevitable. Three, two, one...

"What the hell did you think you were doing!"

Right on cue. I winced. The yelling really hurt my poor fragile head. It wasn't helping me feel better at all. "I don't know, I don't remember," I answered honestly. "Please stop yelling," I added with a pathetic whimper.

"Why should I!" He demanded cruelly. This was a new level of losing it for Kratos. _I must really deserve this, _I told myself_. He barely ever yells and he's never been like this before._

"It hurts. Please stop." I looked up at him, my eyes wide and stinging with tears.

He sighed, the anger dissolving from his features and sat down next to me. For a split second, his leg brushed against mine and I felt the blush rise to my face again. I mentally screamed at myself to ignore it. This was _so _not the time.

"Yuan, last night I told you I wasn't done talking about this and I'm not. I intend to sort this out. You almost hurt a lot of people yesterday."

"Um- I" I broke eye contact, feeling uncomfortable. "Could you do something about my headache first?"

He rolled his eyes, probably thinking about how pathetic I was, and lifted his hand to hover over my forehead. It began to glow with green light.

"First aid," he muttered under his breath.

I felt the strange warm fuzziness that healing spells induce and then the increased clarity I had longed for. But my ears were still ringing from the earlier yelling.

"Thanks," I whispered.

He nodded. "So, about last night."

"I really don't remember much. Just going to that party thing, getting a drink and you carrying me home." I glanced down at my coffee, suddenly remembering how much I despised its taste. I pushed the mug towards Kratos, pulling a disgusted face. "Coffee?"

He picked up the mug and drank its contents. Then he told me exactly how I'd been occupying myself the night before. I blushed deeper and deeper until I was sure I resembled a tomato and I almost fainted when he mentioned the part about having to be stopped from doing a strip tease. It must have been funny, watching all that colour suddenly drain from my face. When I dared to look at him, he was grinning. At least my humiliation was good for something I suppose.

But, oh goddess, was I ashamed. I told him so. He asked me why I did it and I didn't have an answer. Then he asked me again.

"I was bored. And- And."

"You sound like Lloyd," he said with a smile.

I glared at him.

"Go on," he hinted.

"And," I looked at my feet, "everyone I care about leaves. Martel, Mithos, Botta.. and.. You. I miss everyone and I didn't want to go back to that."

He stretched out a hand towards me and I stiffened, afraid he was going to hit me. But instead, his fingers wound in my hair.

"I like your hair," he confessed, effectively changing the subject.

I offered him a lopsided grin. "It doesn't like me."

"Come here. I'll brush it for you." He released my hair and smiled at me.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" I asked timidly, hoping desperately that he had.

"I can never be mad at you for long. You know that."

It was true. I did know that. And I was eternally grateful for how he always seemed to look after me. It was probably a huge hassle but he barely ever lost his temper and only really when I deserved it. He always seemed to be there when I needed him most. But that was all about to change. He would go back to Derris-Kharlan and leave me alone again. I felt a brief twinge of misery, but shook it off. There was no use thinking about that now. Now he was here and I was going to enjoy that while I could.

"Something wrong?" He asked, a little perturbed at my lack of reply.

I shook my head and moved to kneel in front of his chair, effectively between his legs. I blushed, yet again. Stupid traitorous body. I'd poke it, but it might hurt.

Kratos reached across the table for my brush. He must have brought that back with him too because the last time I remembered seeing it was in Lloyd's house. Hm. He noticed too much. Always paying attention to his surroundings. Come to think of it, I've never seen him lose control. Ever. Including his unrestrained yelling at me. There's always been some amount of control. I'm thankful. Especially since he's so damn strong. If he lost it and was angry with me, I wouldn't fancy my chances.

He dragged the brush slowly through my hair. It snagged on one of the many knots, but he just carefully untangled it and carried on. It was nice. It was very nice. Maybe my brain cells are attached to my hair of something, but by this point, I was pretty much beyond coherent thought. It was nice. The brush tickled my scalp and the light tugging that shifted the individual strands of my hair sort of.. tingled. I know, hair doesn't have feeling right? I can't explain it. It was just nice.

He smoothed my hair with a hand that gently followed every brush stroke, making me sigh with pleasure. I felt cared for, coddled, loved. And strangely sleepy.

"Yuan?"

"Mmm?"

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

Oh, now that wasn't fair! He was taking advantage of my relaxed mood. But his hands felt so nice in my hair.. What if he took them away? "I-hmm.. I didn't want to see you-"

He stiffened, hand freezing in my hair. By this point, he had abandoned the brush and was just running his fingers through my hair.

__

Don't stop! I felt like yelling. "-leave me again." I finished. His hand resumed its rhythmic stroking. I leaned back into it. "That's nice.." I sighed. Oh damn! I said that out loud didn't I! I clapped a hand over my mouth, burning tomato red again.

I _sensed_ him smile. "But why aren't you worried about that now?"

"Because you're doing _that_," I mumbled, almost inaudibly.

He chuckled. "Heh."

I smiled, despite that fact that I knew he couldn't see me, and leaned to the side, resting my head on his thigh. He was so warm..

His hands were lazily winding through my hair, stroking the tresses and lightly tugging. I sighed again. Nice. So unbelievably nice. yes, I like the word 'nice'.

We sat in comfortable silence, my eyelids drooping a little, until I spoke.

"Thank you Kratos."

"What for?"

"Everything. For always being there."

"You know I can't help it."

I blushed deeply yet again, wondering if he has learned telepathy from some of those crazy 'lifeless beings' on Derris-Kharlan. He slid off the chair so that he was kneeling close behind me. Against my better judgement (why would I listen to _that_?) I turned around. He was smiling again. This had to be the most he'd ever smiled in one day. And he was supposed to be mad at me.

His hands settled on my hips and he drew me closer, wrapping those strong arms around my waist again. As his head brushed past my cheek, I felt his moist lips brush against my skin. I blushed once more and pretended I hadn't noticed as he buried his face in my hair.

I had no idea that he was crying.

A/N: OMG! Fluff OVERLOAD. What made me write that? Just so anyone who is reading this knows, I don't have a clue where this story is going - little chibi in my brain is practically writing it for me, so feel free to give me any suggestions. Criticism is good, reviews are good, flames will be fed to Noishe to stop him from eating Yuan. I've been writing this instead of actually starting on my reading list for English in school, and I've only got three days! Eepy. Anyways.. Until the next chapter! POOFS away


	5. Kratos' Testimony

A/N: Thanks to Goldenfur for reviewing. Are the snickers good or bad? lol. I'm not sure if this fic really fits into humour but maybe. I'm not conciously trying to make it funny. And what I write comes from my pet muse. .

Still own no recognisable characters, places etc.

This chappie's in Kratos' POV in case you didn't notice once you got around to reading it.

* * *

Kratos' Testimony.

Looking out of the window, I miss the intimidating sight of the tower of salvation upon the horizon. It is difficult to comprehend why, although I knew that the journey of regeneration was a lie from the beginning, that I had come to associate the tower with rebirth. Perhaps it was because it always flagged up when I was going to be needed again, when the whole of Cruxis seemed to kick-start. Or perhaps it was because it ultimately led to me finding the last remaining part of Anna - my son Lloyd. He is so naïve and softhearted, just like his mother, but I do like to think that he has my strength, and I am thankful that he did not inherit my penchant for concealing my emotions. It makes life far too difficult for someone as young and innocent as him.

He saved the word. He became an angel. He married Colette. But I will always see him as the innocent boy I journeyed with or the babe I bounced in my arms. No matter how long he lives, how many children he fathers he will always be young and innocent to me. In some ways, he reminds me of a companion of mine. Yuan. Actually, an interesting point, no one knows his surname. Perhaps he doesn't have one. But then, nothing about Yuan is easy to understand.

He is very similar to my son, or at least he was before he was made into an angel and lived his lifespan four times over. Perhaps that is why they clash so much. They trade insults in most conversations, but on some level I can sense Yuan's growing tolerance towards him. They will never be best friends, I would be worried if they did, but it would be nice if they could get along. It is considerably irritating to have the two people one cares about most constantly at each other's throats.

Yuan has picked a very strange spot to build his home. I would have expected _Zelos_, being the pervert he is, to pick somewhere like this to live, but Yuan? I can't picture it. He built his house near the Hot Springs. Perhaps it is because it is a secluded area? That would make sense. Yuan always hated being around a lot of people. It is something he has in common with me.

Yuan is.. Special. He is a beautiful man. His hair, such an odd colour, is always neatly brushed and silky looking. He is always clean and fresh, like a cool breeze on a summer's day. Odd that his effect on _me_ should be quite the opposite ne?

How he manages to appear both omniscient and innocent at the same time will forever be a mystery to me, but he does, and perhaps that is why I like him. He is so delicate-looking that it is positively laughable that he should be any good in a battle situation, but he is. He is so slender that he looks as though he would snap like a twig if you placed any weight upon him, but anyone who has seen the ease with which he manipulates his massive weapon cannot possibly doubt his underlying strength.

He.. Intrigues me. Even now he is staring at me from his position by the window with rapt attention. There is a wistful sort of longing concealed in his gaze. There is a small smile upon his lips. Such a sad and mournful smile that is brimming with imminent loss and future betrayal. I know he does not want me to leave.

I also know that he understands the urgency with which Derris-Kharlan summons me back to its lonely corridors filled with emotionless half-elf angels. I do not miss it. I wish that I could stay, upon this planet with the people whom I travelled with and have become friends with. I wish I could stay. With him.

It is for the best, I tell myself over again. _The angels are counting on you to lead them; you represent the painful past that this world had to endure_. _You cannot stay. _It doesn't work. I still want to.

I tell myself over again. . It doesn't work. I still want to. 

It doesn't help that Yuan knows it too. I am certain he is not aware of my attraction to him. If he was, I am sure he would have ran a mile or gone insane and been locked up in the Meltokio prison for the rest of his life. He would hate me. So I cannot let him know.

I slipped up this morning though. I woke up next to him. It was so nice, just to be in the presence of another, warm and peaceful, so I did what I knew I should not. I stayed and wrapped him in my arms. I dreamt of him.

I would never admit it to anyone, but I need him. I searched for him in all the times I have visited Symphonia, and never once did it occur to me that he had been avoiding me. Until yesterday that is. Perhaps.. Perhaps I can persuade him to like me. Perhaps I-. No. That would be uncouth of me. But I can let him know.. Maybe.. Drop hints.. I - I am a hopeless case. I know it cannot be and yet I long for it anyway.

I fall for a half-elf man and a human slave. Anna is gone and I'm pretty sure Yuan isn't anywhere close to homosexual (One word: Martel). How pathetic.

It's official. The love life of Kratos Aurion is doomed.

* * *

A/N: Well that was unbelievably short. And so is this A/N! poofs away 


	6. Kratos Is Not Amused

A/N: For the lovely people who are reading this, I am once again writing as Yuan since he is damnably easier to write as. Any objections/other ideas that are quite probably better, let me know. Should I make the previous chapter longer?

Thanks to: Goldenfur, RavenGhost and Katandshadow for reviewing the last chapter. I love you all! Hehe.

Kat: I don't have aim but feel free to drop me an e-mail if you want. My address _should _be on my profile. Emphasis on _should_.

I still don't own 'em, just having fun playing with their minds.

Oh, and one last thing. Since I no longer have the whole day (school instead SIGH) to spend writing these chapters, updates might take a little longer. Especially since I still haven't started my reading list, I'm already getting too much homework.. But I _should_ still be able to update pretty often. Unless flying pigs steal my computer. This chapter took so long to write since I was toying with the idea of writing as Kratos again. Didn't work out too well. lol

* * *

Kratos Is Not Amused

At the risk of sounding scarily similar to Lloyd, I was bored. I spent almost an hour just staring at Kratos, who's attention seemed to be focussed out of the window. I was surprised when he asked me about Genis' outburst yesterday. It was something like: "That doesn't mean he's got a hunny!" Seriously, that little brat has to learn to keep his mouth shut. And the idiot chosen _and _the successor or Mizuho. I swear, they have their own private rumour mill. Although, why Kratos thought I had anything to do with it is quite beyond me. Surely he knows I don't stoop to such levels!

Eventually, he tricked the information about Sheena's suspicions from me. It took me a while to realise why he had stormed irritably out of the house, muttering about 'gossiping women'. He's a _fine_ one to talk. I remember when he used to be the one who knew all the gossip. A strange idea huh? Well, it's true.

Anyway, I caught up with him just as he was flying in the direction of Mizuho. How I knew he was going to Mizuho is also pretty questionable, since I didn't have a damn clue where the hell the village moved. Needless to say, I am _not_ on their list of 'honoured guests'.

He only acknowledged me with a noncommittal nod and whilst we waited for Sheena, we sat in silence. The air seemed thick enough to be cut with a dagger. He was tense. Beneath his hair, I could see a pulse flickering at the corner of his eye. Not a good sign. He glared death at me and I felt colour drain from my face. He was SCARY! I turned away and began to count the wooden panels on the wall. One, two..

Seventy five.. Seventy six...

Three hundred and two.. Three hundred and...

"Sorry about the wait! Some people were asking to see me and I- Hey.. Kratos.. Yuan."

I didn't turn around. I had a feeling that I wouldn't want to see the look on Kratos' face. I had no clue what he was so mad about, but I was hoping fiercely that it didn't have anything to do with me.

"Sheena," I greeted quietly. I didn't hear Kratos reply.

"Just what rumours have you been spreading about me Sheena?" He demanded darkly.

I immediately focussed my attention back onto the panels. Three hundred and two..

"I haven't been spreading any rumours," she replied, sounding vaguely amused.

Three hundred and three...

"Then why, pray tell, are Genis and Zelos gossiping like women about my personal life, and why is Lloyd interrogating me about the same issue?"

Three hundred and four...

"Because they see the same things I do. Perhaps, not Lloyd though. He probably got it from Genis."

Three hundred and five...

"Got what? Is it contagious?"

I had to clap a hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing. Three hundred and six...

"Oh, sometimes you are just as dense as Lloyd!"

I'm sure a snort escaped my hold at that comment.

"Just tell me what is going on!" Demanded Kratos.

Three hundred and seven..

"Nothing. I simply observed that you were acting as if you had a lover.."

Three hundred and... eight...

"I- That is none of your business!"

Three.. Hundred... nine..

"Is it Yuan?"

Three hundred and.. "WHAT!" I all but yelped. "How come I don't know about this!" I spun around to see Kratos glaring down Sheena.

"Okay, okay," she gave. "But I reserve the right to say 'I told you so'." She turned and stalked out of the room. About five seconds later (Kratos was still fuming. I don't know what it is about Sheena that infuriates him so much. Perhaps it's how much of her chest she shows that gets him all flustered.) Zelos strode into the room, wearing a bright grin and very little else. Why he was wandering around Mizuho in his swimming costume will forever remain a mystery. At least, I hope it will!

"Hey!" He said cheerily. Consideration of anyone's (cough: Kratos) mood was not on his list of priorities apparently. He looked a little put out when neither of us answered, but just pouted and continued prancing around like an idiot. What an idiot. "I'm to see you out!" He said merrily. I rubbed my temples. Today was just going to be another headache, wasn't it?

Kratos ignored him and left on his own. Leaving me to apologise for him and speak to that ass of an ex-chosen. I didn't say much. I just wished him luck with Sheena and he blushed like a tomato. Seeing someone else blush so much is very reassuring. It doesn't make me feel nearly so sissy. I left him to stutter incoherently to himself. I had better things to do, like catch up with Mr Mood-Swings. I wondered vaguely if it was _that time of the month. _Despite him being male. Stranger things have happened. Like little sweet Mithos trying to destroy the damn world.

But once again, I am getting off topic. It didn't take me too long to catch up with Kratos, but by the time I got there, I was so out of breath that it was difficult to understand anything I was saying.

"Going.. To my base," I gasped out. "I need.. To sort some things."

He nodded again. Oh, what a talkative soul. But he followed me. He followed me all the way to my base in Triet, even though he didn't have to. No, by no means did he have to. I had expected him to go off and sulk for a while, since he seemed to be in that sort of mood, but now he just seemed.. Contemplative. It didn't help that he was staring at me the whole time. I could feel his intense gaze on my back and I felt like turning around and screaming at him to stop it. But, being the wonderfully brave angel I am, I tried my best to ignore it.

I strode down the well-known corridors that had been my home for so long, with a strange tense nervousness building up in my gut. Something was going to happen. I seemed to be hypersensitive, hearing everything even louder than normal, Kratos' gaze burning holes in my back; I jumped every time I touched something. .

I met one of the Renegade group leaders on my way to my study. "Kai," I said to him, rather pleased that I had remembered his name. "Do you know where Lloyd Irving lives?"

He looked at me, his expression somewhere between pleased and baffled. "Yes sir."

I winced. His voice was hurting my ears. "Not so loud. I need you to take your group and do a bit of maintenance work on the exterior wall of his home."

"Yes sir. I'll get my men ready right away sir," he all but whispered.

"Mhmm."

He didn't go anywhere. Oh wait, that's right, I hadn't dismissed him. "You can go."

He left, almost at a run. Far too eager if you ask me, but I'm sure he's a good man. Like most of the Renegades, he was probably in awe of my oh-so-terrifying cloak and angel wings of death. I'm not really that scary, am I? I stepped into my study; sure it had taken twice as long as usual to reach. Apprehension made my hands tremble as I searched through the drawer in my desk. The Rheiard repair kit is always in the top drawer of my desk.

Thankfully, Kratos' intense gaze was lifted from my back. I heaved a sigh of relief and my hand clenched around the small item that I had been frantically searching for. I wished I knew what was going to happen. I began to chew on my lower lip. It is a habit I have, when I am nervous. I barely noticed until the sweet tangy taste of blood filled my mouth.

"Yuan."

The voice came from close behind me. It was low pitched and quiet, barely above a whisper, and I felt a rush of warm air against my ear. I inhaled sharply and tensed up. I didn't dare turn around for fear that what was running through my brain might be reflected in my eyes. I felt reality shift slightly and blinked to focus myself. _Ok Yuan, _I told myself. _You can do this. Just turn around. It can't be that bad_.

Against my better judgement (as usual) I turned. My heart clenched. It was Kratos. He was stood, directly in front of me, fixing me with that intense stare of his again and my traitorous knees turned to jelly. I grabbed the edge of the table to hold myself up. _No Yuan! Deal!_

"I realised something today Yuan," he continued.

"O-Oh?" I fought to keep my expression neutral and the shove that pathetic blush back away from my face. Stupid blood.

"Yes."

If it was even possible, he stepped closer. I moved back uncomfortably, pressing my back against the wooden desk.

"W-What is it? Is something wrong?" I was having a hard time avoiding eye contact, and I felt the blush creep up my face. He was too close. I looked at the ground.

"Nothing's wrong. I just realised; I have nothing to lose."

"N-Nothing to l-lose?" Yes. It is I, wonderful, genius Yuan, who can't even speak without stuttering. I nervously pushed myself even further away, so that I was half sitting on my desk. "Kratos?" I questioned in a squeaky voice as he leaned close.

"What?"

"Umm," I drew in a shaky breath. I was about to speak when he leaned forward even more and pressed his lips against mine. I must have looked pretty stupid, half sitting on my desk; my eyes wide open in surprise, not even daring to respond. It wasn't long before he broke the kiss, but he didn't move away. His eyes searched mine, possibly looking to gauge my reaction to the kiss.

My head was filled with swirling orange mist. No, I don't know why it was orange. It just seemed fitting for it to be orange. A million thoughts twisted in a crazed vortex of confusion and I just seized the first one that came into my head. I slid back so that I was sitting fully on the desk, grabbed him by the collar and meshed our lips together. At first, he seemed as surprised as I was, then he relaxed into the kiss and deepened it. His fingers wound tightly in my hair. My mind was off in its orange 'happy place' and I didn't have a clue where my hands where or indeed where _I _was. At the risk of sounding repetitive, all I can say is: It was nice. It was very nice.

When he broke apart to breathe, the spoke to me, his lips moving softly against mine. I was sure I looked totally dazed.

"What do you want most in the world?"

I didn't even have to think. "I want you t-"

He kissed me again to avoid the ending of that sentence. "Stop there," he breathed, "and I will grant you your wish."

Well, it wasn't was I was going to say, but for now, it will do. There is plenty of time to persuade him to stay with me, but for now, this was enough.

I leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his inviting mouth.

"Sir?"

I was vaguely aware of a random Renegade poking his head through the door. I shot a weak bolt of lightning at him and he left quickly, yelping in pain.

I turned my gaze back to Kratos. His hair was a little mussed and his eyes slightly glazed. I felt a little _pleased_ that it was me that had made him like that. I smiled at him.

"Beautiful," he sighed before reaching for me to finish what he'd started. I wasn't complaining.

* * *

A/N: AAAND I'm gonna finish there. I'm thinking.. about three more chapters to go... 


	7. Moment of Truth

_A/N: Yes, its me again. You know, that random author that you'd forgotten all about since she hadn't updated in centuries? Sorry about that. I've just been so busy and.. yeah. Excuses. Feel free to throw rotten veg._

_Thanks to: _

_da deltadasher demon_

_Lady Rina_

_Katandshadow_

_Takeru Yoshizuki_

_for reviewing. As usual, I love you all!_

_And I still don't own the characters _

**

* * *

**

**Moment of Truth**

The first thing I noticed as feeling began to return to my aching limbs was the coolness of the sheets both above and beneath me. An absence of something that I was sure should have been there. Beside me, behind me, wherever. But there was nothing but empty coolness.

I sat up, sheets pooling at my waist. There was a distinct chill in the air, indicating the earliness of the hour. Indeed, a quick glance at the window told me that it was before dawn. My home was silent, empty. No footsteps filled the hallways, there was no sound of running water from the shower, no deep even breathing coming from beside me in the bed. That was when it hit me. He was gone. Just like I knew he would be.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath I told my shattered emotions that I knew this was going to happen. I had known from the beginning that the bastard would break my heart. But I couldn't bring myself to hate him. Everything would be so much simpler if the only feeling in my heart for him was hatred. But it wasn't. I loved him dammit! This was too damn complicated! It was never like this with Martel. I loved her, she loved me, we were together. Simplicity itself. With of course, if it were simple, it just wouldn't be nearly as fun now, would it?

Now, I had two choices. I could either ignore the fact that he was gone, push my feelings for him into the back of my mind and nurse this little flame of annoyance into a wondrous pyre of hatred, or I could just accept that he had to go back, get up and move on. _This is your moment of truth Yuan, _I told myself. _You finally get to find out exactly how much of a sissy you are. Right. Now. Get your ass out of bed and get on with your life._

I forcefully pushed away the blankets and climbed out of bed. I made an effort to keep my body upright and still the shivers at the cold air. I was vaguely amused at my unclothed state, but took very little notice. Instead, I pushed myself into the bathroom.

Shower. Shower and everything is normal. Wash him out of your skin. Wash him away. Wash.

I scrubbed every inch of my skin raw, but he was still present in my mind. This was not going to be easy.

I wandered vaguely into the kitchen in search of breakfast. As a reached for the cupboard where I kept the cereal, my gaze caught on a folded sheet of paper laid neatly upon the worktop. I am sure, in that moment that my heart skipped two or three beats. _Pathetic man._

I lifted the paper in my trembling hands and struggled to unfold it. Once open, it filled my vision with the familiar italicised hand that belonged to the new ruler of Derris - Kharlan. I licked my lips as if this would avert my ridiculous nervousness. Sinking pathetically into a seat, I began to read.

Yuan,

You have no idea how sorry I am for leaving you like that. I assure you that I fully intended to inform you of my departure, but when it came down to it, I knew you would have convinced me to stay. Its better this way.

Know that I didn't want to leave you. Not when I'd finally received the knowledge of what I've been aching to know all of these years, but my duties on Derris-Kharlan cannot be ignored. I apologise Yuan. Perhaps you are not feeling this as much as I, but I am devastated that I cannot stay with you forever. I will miss you upon Derris - Kharlan.

Now, let me tell you what I have longed to tell you for so many years: I love you. I had not the courage to tell you aloud, but I had hoped that my actions last night were enough to convince you. I'm sorry for leaving you.

Until I return

Kratos.

The letter dropped from my fingers and I became aware of the solemn dripping of my tears. My face was as wet as it had been after I had taken my shower. This note, it was too much.

I slid to my little sissy knees and broke down. That little weak flame of hatred was easily drowned in the flood of my salty tears. I could taste them on my lips and tongue. It was wrong. There had to be something else I could do! A third option. Another way.

Because I had failed my final test. I truly was the weakest man alive. _I can't do this, I can't._

I was reduced to crawling back to my bedroom to get dressed. I had to keep up a sense of normality or everything would overcome me.

That was when it finally sank through my pathetically love blinded head that I _did_ have a third option. Ironic huh?

I pulled on my clothing with renewed vigour. I knew he wouldn't have left yet. He would want to say goodbye to Lloyd and he would need supplies. He always was partial to the food from Luin...

I strode out of my house, forgetting even to lock the door, and took to the skies. He couldn't be far. It wasn't long since he had left. It couldn't have been.

My flight pattern was distorted. My mind wouldn't stay on task and without the needed concentration, my wings were jerking my body in all sorts of directions. It took me twice as long as it should have to reach Luin.

But it didn't take me long to find him. I mean, how hard could it be? He was the only man with ridiculously spiky hair and a purple grasshopper suit. Not to mention that I could sense his mana a mile off. A good sign, since Derris-Kharlan was _always_ more than a mile away.

He was walking to the church of Martel. Was he crazy? Yes. We've already established this.

I kept to the bushes and followed him. It must have been quite a sight. A blue- haired crazy half-elf stalking an intimidating grasshopper-man. I almost got caught by the authorities and thrown in the Palmacosta jail for disturbing the peace. I mean, seriously. I was just stalking the guy.

I followed him (discreetly I might add) to the ruins of the tower of salvation.

I sucked in a deep breath, aware that what I was about to do could easily get me killed. I hesitated, and for a moment I thought it was too late.

He had stepped up on to the podium and was beginning to fade with that telltale humming sound that had become so familiar after four thousand years of hearing it. Panicked, I dashed up to the podium and threw myself in after him. I had the unpleasant sensation of my body being torn into innumerable tiny pieces and being thrown into the black velvet vortex of space. Darkness pushed heavily in on me, whispering silky words pronouncing my doom and reaching too far and them pulling away. Peace was gone. Roaring filled my delicate half-elf ears.

I was going to die.

But on the bright side, I had lived for far too long anyway, and I was going to die close to Kratos...

The scream that was torn from my lips was killed by the empty space in front of me. I heard nothing. I was not even aware of the tearing in my throat that was the telltale sign of my agony.

And then it was over. I was falling into that velvet vortex, barely conscious of my personality.

You are Yuan

It all went terribly, awfully wrong. I was smothered by wave after black filthy wave.

Yuan. That is my name. I am Yuan.

I clung desperately onto that one thought as my mind began to selfishly shut down.

Yuan

I wondered why I had done this to myself, and then I realised that it was all for Kratos. Everything. That little chance of reaching my destination and being with him was worth the much higher probability of death. He meant that much to me. And it scared me.

Don't forget Yuan.

A blinding rush of solidity flew up to meet me and as I slammed into the dark recesses of space, I clung to my identity.

Yuan.

And everything went black.

* * *

A/N: I know. Unforgivably short. I'm thinking I'll probably write the last couple of chapters at the weekend. Bye for now! 


	8. Awakening

A/N: Thanks to Katandshadow and da deltadasherdemon(did I spell that right?)for reviewing once again .

I still don't own Yuan, Kratos or anyone else that you recognise. If I did, I'd be sifting through the letters of complaints about lack of a playable storyline or something like that.

Um, I suppose I should warn you about innuendo, implied lemons, stuff like that.

* * *

Awakening

Once again, I found myself slowly coming to surrounded by shadows and freezing air. This really was turning out to be the weirdest few days of my life. I lethargically pushed myself into an upright position, trying to decide whether or not I had died somewhere along the way. The cold, damp stone beneath my knees was familiar, but the memory was just out of reach.

Who am I?

You are Yuan.

Oh yes! That triggered my memory. I had tried piggy-backing on one of those infernal transporting devices and got split into millions of tiny pieces of thrown out into the nether regions of space. Which _didn't_ explain why I was kneeling on a damp floor, seemingly in one piece, surrounded by purple swirling light.

Maybe it was Heaven. Or perhaps Hell since I hadn't been one of the more _righteous _people.

The dampness was seeping through the knees of my trousers. Damn. Why did I insist upon wearing white? There was going to be a hideous stain. Oh why was I worrying about this! I was probably dead!

I inhaled slowly, listening to the plangent music echoing down the hallway. It was also very familiar.. Cold lilac stone.. Swirling purple sky..

It _did _seem like the humans' interpretation of Heaven.. But the humans' interpretation of Heaven was... Derris-Kharlan! I had done it! I was alive, in one piece, and in the place I had intended to be!

But.. My knees were getting stiff and red fluid was dripping onto the cold stone. Blood. I was bleeding. I cautiously lifted my left hand after identifying it as the source of pain. I am ashamed to say that I almost fainted in that moment.

Blood was spurting from the remains of the smallest finger on my left hand. It was gone. I'd made it out of my crazed warp point-leap in one piece - save for my little finger. And it was bleeding profusely. I screamed. Like a little girl. Again. Pathetic ne?

Right. There had to be something I can do about this. I cursed my lack of healing knowledge once more. It was going to be the death of me.

Damn Kratos for doing this to me. Damn him.

Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes and a whispered voice floated into my head.

Staunch the blood flow. Bandage. Look away.

I roughly tore the end from my cloak and tied it tightly around my wrist to cut off the blood flow. I then wrapped the fabric over the stump so that I didn't have to look at it. Oh Martel I hope that helps, I thought to myself. I debated speaking, just to ensure that I could, but the rawness of my throat protested and I gave in.

I had to conserve my energy to get to Welgaia.

I stumbled to my feet and began the tedious work of walking. Or quite possibly, simply controlled falling. Which is all that walking is really. It took far too long to alight upon the floating city of Welgaia, that seemed to get more and more creepy every time I visited.

It was relatively empty. Aside from the few half-elf angels that called this place their home. Kratos wasn't here. I couldn't sense him. Familiar panic seeped into my veins.

Vinheim.

Of course! That huge creepy palace. He would be there, because those angels saw him as their new leader. Over to that huge intimidating platform then.

As I approached, the angel guard asked for my identification. _Oh these people annoy me, _I thought, reaching for it.

I handed it over wordlessly, my legs feeling as if they were only just holding me up. Blood sullenly seeped through my makeshift bandage.

"Lord Yuan!" The angel exclaimed.

I looked up at him blankly.

"Allow me to assist you my lord."

Now I remembered why I avoided Welgaia so vehemently. This 'lifelessness' gave me a headache. I hope Kratos manages to find a cure. The man grabbed me and held me up, centimetres from the floor and warped me directly to Vinheim.

I was surprised to be set down in a sort-of throne room, opposite Kratos himself. My feet touched the ground and the shakiness in my legs increased. I almost fell when the angel let go.

"Yuan!" Kratos exclaimed. "What on Symphonia are you doing here!" He rose slowly from the chair. My relief was so great upon seeing him that I briefly forgot the pain in my throat.

"Miss you," I replied.

He stepped forward, taking in my broken condition.

"What happened?" He demanded.

Hot tears filled my eyes once more. "Stupid human," I rasped, promptly collapsing on the floor in a dead faint.

* * *

His face swam before my eyes as I awoke. Really, this was becoming a habit. 

I stretched, pleased to find the ache in my muscles and throat were gone. A quick glance at my left hand showed that the stump of my little finger was fully healed. I was also naked. Not funny. But the silk sheets were nice. Hm. Best stop that thought before it goes any further.

He smiled at me. A melty smile. Yes. I know 'melty' isn't a word, but I'm busy being incoherent so you'll have to excuse me.

His hand caressed mine, fingers brushing over the tender scar tissue of my missing finger. I whimpered meekly, trying to draw my hand away. He grasped it in his own, twining his fingers with mine. He knew that I was uncomfortable with my latest loss. (Namely my left little finger).

"It doesn't matter, Yuan," he whispered. "You're still beautiful."

I felt the blush flood my face and heard his soft chuckle. My eyes slid away from his. For some reason, I wanted to cry.

"You did it again Yuan," he murmured sadly. "You rushed in without thinking. You almost got yourself killed and you didn't think twice about how that might make me feel."

A tear escaped my hold and trailed down my face. He wiped it away gently. Kratos' weight was added to the bed. I closed my eyes, squeezed them tightly so that he wouldn't see my weakness. I didn't dare speak.

"But I forgive you. Sometimes I think you take advantage of that." He stroked my hair gently and it was all I could do to stop from purring.

"Other times I think you're completely oblivious to the effect you have on me."

I leaned into his touch. I wanted to apologise but had no reason to interrupt the sweetness of the moment. My stupid sentimental heart!

"Open your eyes Yuan. I know you're awake."

Foiled. I opened them slowly, blinking at the artificial light my eyes were unused to. I smiled wryly and opened my mouth to speak. He covered my mouth with his hand. I cannot tell you how tempting it was to bite him. Childish urge.

"I don't know why you followed me up here, but Derris-Kharlan isn't quite out of Symphonia's gravitational field. I can still take you back."

Stupid, stupid man. Sometimes I see Lloyd's stupidity in him! I was tempted to tell him so. Instead, I settled for wrapping my free arm around his waist and latching on. No way was I letting go now. I had come too far for that.

He petted my head. "I hoped you felt like that," he murmured.

"I love you," I whispered into his side.

For a moment, I was content. Derris-Kharlan may be a cold, unfeeling planet, but my lover was far from those things. And I was away from Lloyd's infuriating delusions of manliness.

"I know."

I was perfectly content to simply sit there, wrapped around him, safe in the knowledge that if I waited long enough all his inhibitions about keeping me would dissolve. Oh look. There I go. Talking about myself like a damned possession. What has gotten into me!

I felt his deep breaths, heard the quickening beat of his heart, sensed the change in his mana, all before I looked up and saw his intentions swirling in his eyes.

Deep brown eyes that were so expressive he liked to hide them beneath his hair to keep up his emotional barriers. I love his eyes.

He pried me off his waist and lay me back down on the bed. I watched him closely, anticipating. He stood up.

"Are you hungry?" He asked quietly.

"A little," I admit, feeling a twinge of annoyance. Had I been anyone else, I probably would have admitted that I was hungry, very much so in fact, but not for food. Food is for sissies. But, since we have already established that I am a sissy, I decided to eat.

One of Kratos' 'subjects' appeared, carrying a tray of what looked like risotto. I narrowed my eyes in its direction.

"You didn't make this, did you?" I asked Kratos.

He shook his head, looking faintly amused.

I took the food, still suspicious, and proceeded to eat it with my fingers. Yes, it was a very messy task. Yes, I am a very messy eater. No I don't care.

He watched me with that stoic expression that grated on my nerves. It reminded me of why he had become like that. A time that I would much prefer to forget. I resolved to make him show emotion as much as possible. After all, it wasn't like there was anyone up here to see it.

Except those lifeless beings, but in their eyes Lord Kratos can do no wrong.

I finished off my food and looked for someplace to wipe my fingers. Kratos, being strangely unhygienic, grasped my hand and licked the food off my fingers.

Blood predictably rushed to my face. Blood that wasn't rushing _elsewhere_ anyway.

His eyes were fixed on my face, watching the reactions that I'm sure were flitting across my features. I was as readable as a book. Provided you know how.

He took the plate from me and handed it to the waiting angel, before shooing him and his comrades out of the room.

"I need some clothes." I informed him, eyes falling from his. Unfortunately, they settled on his lips. Teeth indented the lower lip, showing his restraint about something. I licked my lips.

Stupid Yuan, I thought to myself, _You, a four thousand year old ultimate being, are acting like a hormonal teenager._

, I thought to myself, 

He leaned close, until his hair brushed the side of my face and I could feel his shallow breaths upon my cheek.

"Why would you be needing those?" He whispered.

I shivered agreeably, too many thoughts flooding my brain to answer.

He leaned a little closer and pressed those delectable lips to mine. I'm sure that he intended it to be perfectly innocent, but I however, had other ideas. I grabbed him around the neck and pulled him down on top of me, a sharp exhale the only indication of his weight. I roughly shoved my tongue into his mouth, winding it around his and keeping our mouths airtight.

He made funny little sounds as we kissed, a kind of mix of a purr and low pitched moan. _So hot._ His hands flowed fluidly over my body, down my sides, stroking reverently. Heat flushed my body and I'm sure the whole of me was blushing.

Sorry. Bad time to be self- conscious. I told myself.

It was perfect, but unfortunately, even angels have to breathe. As we broke apart, gasping, a thought trundled into my mind.

"Hey, Kratos."

He nipped at my neck. "Mm?"

"Just then. You rhymed."

He looked up and met me in the eye. A grin crept across my face, and the moment he blinked, we both burst out laughing.

"Only you, Yuan," he sighed breathlessly as the giggles faded. "Only you."

"Only I what?" I teased. Oh, he looks so gorgeous like that. Hair mussed and all over the place, lips kiss swollen and breathing heavily.

"Only you would say something like that, at a time like this." He gestured emphatically as if to prove his point.

I decided to ignore him and picked irritably at his clothes. "I say you have an unfair advantage. What do you say?"

"I say, you should definitely rectify that."

* * *

A/N: One chappie to go!


	9. Yuan's Final Testimony

A/N: I can't believe I've actually finished this! All that's left to do is remove all those mistakes (specially in the last chapter.. Half of them just appeared without me noticing. Seriously. I'm a perfectionist. lol)

Thanks to all my delightful reviewers:

Ice Prince Marth: Thank you so much! I tried to make this good. . And thanks for reviewing before you even reached the end. I like to know what people think

Kat: Without you I probably wouldn't have got this finished for about a month. Thank you.

aaaaaand da deltadasher demon: again, I think I wrote out your penname wrong. I'm sooooorry

And everyone who reviewed all the other chapters and anyone who reviews in the future. If anyone does. lol

I currently have the star wars theme song stuck in my head. Oh, and I still don't own these lovely people.

* * *

Yuan's final Testimony

Hello. It's me again. You know, that little irritating voice that's been bugging you for, oh, I don't know around fifteen thousand words?

Yes. Its me. Yuan. Your new best friend. Yep sure. I've written all this in my journal. I know, I know, I don't look like the kind of person to keep a journal, right? Well I am. And would you suspect Kratos of being the kind of person who steals and reads one's journal? No? Well I've got news for you. He is. He even had the nerve to disturb my flow by writing in his own piece which he only showed me just recently. And he's looking over my shoulder this very moment. Very off-putting let me tell you. I have quite forgotten what I intended to say.

****

Another turning point  
A fork stuck in the road  
Time grabs you by the wrist  
Directs you where to go

Ah, that's right, I was about to fill you in on the events that took place between me arriving in Derris-Kharlan and this day. Not very much. Seriously. This planet is dead boring. I've been spending most of my time (when not documenting Derris-Kharlan's progress across the sky) studying the core system. Turns out, Derris-Kharlan is no longer a wandering comet, but has been pulled into orbit by Symphonia's sun. Meaning that I will be dragged unceremoniously to Symphonia for a 'visit' at least once a year. How that works out, I haven't a clue. It was the elves who built the Derris-Kharlan core system, not me.

Perhaps it will not be too bad. With time, I will find myself longing for those few days where I can be around people, instead of lifeless beings. I often get the feeling that someone up there is giving me a second chance. Like they are looking me straight in the eye and saying to me, _Yes, you've done wrong. You've sacrificed innocent people, you've lost those who you've loved, you've gone along with the rule of a tyrannical little kid whilst knowing it was wrong. But you still deserve a second chance. I'm giving you this, because you deserve it. Make the most of it._

****

So make the best of this test  
And don't ask why  
It's not a question  
But a lesson learned in time

I suppose I seem like a repentant little kid who stole an apple gel or something, but I really have learned my lesson. No more letting other people rule my life. I'm here, with the man I love (crap, we forgot to let Lloyd in on this piece of information. Yes, I can picture this conversation: "Lloyd, your father is gay. Or at the very least bisexual." I wonder what he'd do. Probably stare at us blankly and go off to ask Raine what 'bisexual' means. Ditz.) and its taken so much work to be here. So many risks, so many things left to fate. If I hadn't been drunk that night, he wouldn't have taken me home, wouldn't have stayed with me, wouldn't have given me the opportunity to realise my feelings for him.

I never suspected. Never. I mean, its _Kratos. _Its not like we'd ever even been good _friends. _Then he waltzes back into my territory, double times Mithos (much like myself I suppose) and turned out to be more of a good guy than I was. Rude.

I've always been able to admit he's attractive but.. I guess its just a little strange that its him I eventually opened up to.

****

It's something unpredictable  
But in the end is right  
I hope you had the time of your life

You know what's been the hardest thing to get used to? Those damned angels everywhere. Every time I get so much as a faraway look in my eye they come gliding over and form a circle around me chanting "Protect Lord Yuan!" (I feel like a desian.) Every time I walk into a room I get at least one of them bow to me or someone announcing my presence to the whole room. It makes my skin crawl. At least Kratos is getting closer to finding a cure. I am so happy I wasn't made into a lifeless being. Although I'm sure it would make some things a _lot _easier. But I'd get bored.

I've been working my way through the books in the enormous library of Vinheim. I've translated from angelic to common and elven in preparation for... Well... Actually... Just to give me something to do when Kratos is busy. I mean, I'd be perfectly happy to spend every moment of my time with him, but his occasional bouts of denseness begin to grate. Now I know why Lloyd is so naïve. Anna was never the sharpest tack in the box and Kratos has his moments. Almost makes me feel sorry for the kid, having the worst parts of his parents passed down to him.

I feel like I'm dreaming.

****

So take the photographs  
And still frames in your mind  
Hang it on a shelf of  
Good health and good time

Why oh why is the idiot bothering to write this, I hear you ask. Well, because unless I have an unfortunate accident I'm going to live for a long time. And I don't want to forget the roller coaster ride that brought me to this point. Not that I believe I ever will.

Call me a sissy if you want (everyone knows that I am) but I want something to look back on, especially if this doesn't work out. Cough, pessimist, cough, cough.

Kratos is singing his own version of ninety nine bottles of beer on a wall. In angelic. I think being up here indefinitely has sent him insane. I'm still not complaining. I didn't even complain when I slid over in the shower and had about 50 lifeless beings rush in to make sure I hadn't killed myself (or Kratos. Who _obviously_ wasn't there. Cough. I think there's something in here irritating my throat).

I haven't yet spoken to him about telling his son about our relationship. I suppose it isn't necessary. We can pretend. If I hadn't pretended I would be dead. So would he. We're good at lies. But not so much around each other, or concerning each other. But I'm sure Kratos doesn't want Lloyd to know.

****

Tattoos of memories  
And dead skin on trial  
For what it's worth  
It was worth all the while

But I wouldn't change a thing. He has his faults, and I have mine. Many of them. Such as playing catch with the past stone. That was a mistake. It knocked down about three of the lifeless beings' houses.

Its been six months since we left. Six months of reading, translating and adding to Kratos' star charts. Six months of translating archaic texts for no reason, six months of getting to know Kratos as a lover. I know him as an enemy, as an acquaintance, as a friend, and now as a lover. And I'm writing with a quill. Why?

Because I asked for a pen. He gave me a quill. I didn't question it.

****

It's something unpredictable  
But in the end is right  
I hope you had the time of your life

I've known love. I've known lust. Martel has other duties now. I've moved on. I've finally accepted the fact that she's gone. I love Kratos. And I don't want to stop saying it.

My tattered journal lays upon the surface of the Derris-Kharlan core system. The vibrations that run through it get more violent. The planet shudders and symbols flash up on the screen. Angelic language. It reads

"Approaching planet 001."

The number refers to Kratos' star charts. He gave each star and planet a number and I programmed them into the main computer so that we could navigate more easily. Not that we have any control over where this thing is going.

001 is Symphonia.

Just when I was getting used to the idea that maybe I wouldn't have to tell Lloyd about Kratos and I. Typical. Lull the creepy half-elf into a false sense of security and then spring this upon him.

"Yuan! Yuan!"

Kratos is running down the stairs taking them two at a time, an uncharacteristically bright smile on his face. "We're near Symphonia! We can go visit Lloyd."

"I'm aware of that," I tell him in a monotone.

He sort of jumps on me, causing ink to smudge across the page. I roll my eyes but can't bring myself to be angry. He's too damn adorable.

When he lets go, he holds out his hand towards me.

"Hurry up!" He urges.

I smile. I will sign my name with a quick elaborate flourish, place my quill carefully beside it and leave the journal open to dry. I will reach out and grab his hand, intertwining my fingers with his, comfortable and reassuring in their familiarity. I will let him take me back, I will let him tell Lloyd whatever he wants, I will let him subject me to the torture of that warp platform once again. Because I love him.

I look up.

Time to go face the music.

****

It's something unpredictable  
But in the end is right  
I hope you had the time of your life

I hope you had the time of your life...

* * *

A/N: Lyrics are Green Day Good Riddance_ I do not own those either. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the two people who wrote this story for me - my two muses Akuma and Mitsukai. Take a bow my pets. _

Thank you, and Good Night.

poofs


End file.
